The people get older, and as they get older, they make they´re baggage off pain, bad memories and other stuff bigger and bigger with the time..
For example, I didn´t use to have problems to say that someone is my friend.. I was simply so innocent.. I could consider a friend a person that I met just few ours ago. And I didn´t find it strange or something.. anyway, for me a friend is someone I can rely on, someone I could trust and someone with who I could speak openly. But once, I made a bad choise of a friend. That supposed friend once in front of all my class just said that I couldn´t sit next anymore. That hurt really bad. The next few years I simply tried to get over it, and to name someone a friend, I needed time, weeks or even months.. With time I was again that little girl that is opened to the world. Why am I such a stupid bitch?
Of course that if I forget to protect myself, then stuff happen, why do I always forget?
The problem is that In hight school, I considered a girl as a friend, witch trade me for a boy that she is kind of kissing but don´t love (or she is now falling in love.. anyway, he dosen´t want to tell me all the true). Of course life couldn´t make me exactly the same happy end, so she changed a little bit the scenario... With time, she began to talk less with me, and the less she spoke with me, the more she spoke with him.. then they started to kiss.. I were still both friend, and I didn´t mind it at all.. of course I felt like I was there the 3rd that souldn´t be, but I still were, because I felt that my friend needed me, and I knew I could help, and as I considered her my friend, I wanted to help, because I can do everything to my friends... But... The stuff didn´t stop there.. They both stopped talking with me with time. Didn´t invite me out, went out at school without asking me to come with them, changed the place were they are sitting... At first I thought that they simply forgot, but today I understood it´s not true! I simply was traded.. She traded me to that boy... Even today, I was talking to her like nothing happened, and she mentioned that I were annoying (people already told me this very often, so what she said was simply the last piece), oh, and the boy said "Yeah! I knew you would said it" and they laughed without understanding that they had just opened a sore, witch I tried to cure for some fucking long years!!! In a few seconds they destroyed something I was doing years, years I tried to make me believe I changed, years I believed that I´m now better, that now people will like me, that now I could think about having a family with friends... In a matter of seconds, they destroyed everything.
And you know what? They didn´t even notice! I spend all my afternoon trying not to cry, the whole afternoon trying to don´t make noise.. all I heard from them was if I had a scissor. The people I considered friends wouldn´t even notice if instead of me would come a dog in my clothes to the classroom. When I went to the bathroom, even two girls I barely knew asked me if everything was ok... They almost didn´t know me, but they still understood that something was wrong with me. It was so hard to make a fake smile and say of course I´m fine!
I didn´t say a word to them, didn´t look they´re way, and when I came home, camila remembered me of a wrong I had to make with the group.. I asked something, and after receiving the answer, said that I hope I didn´t annoyed her with the question and logged off.. I just hope I wont need to speak with her anymore because I hate when people hurt me, especially when that people I used to trust.. just hope nobody will stop from being a lonely girl.. I really like it, and when I were that girl, nobody could reach me... I was simply in another dimention, far away from everyone, and I want to be back there.
For example, I didn´t use to have problems to say that someone is my friend.. I was simply so innocent.. I could consider a friend a person that I met just few ours ago. And I didn´t find it strange or something.. anyway, for me a friend is someone I can rely on, someone I could trust and someone with who I could speak openly. But once, I made a bad choise of a friend. That supposed friend once in front of all my class just said that I couldn´t sit next anymore. That hurt really bad. The next few years I simply tried to get over it, and to name someone a friend, I needed time, weeks or even months.. With time I was again that little girl that is opened to the world. Why am I such a stupid bitch?
Of course that if I forget to protect myself, then stuff happen, why do I always forget?
The problem is that In hight school, I considered a girl as a friend, witch trade me for a boy that she is kind of kissing but don´t love (or she is now falling in love.. anyway, he dosen´t want to tell me all the true). Of course life couldn´t make me exactly the same happy end, so she changed a little bit the scenario... With time, she began to talk less with me, and the less she spoke with me, the more she spoke with him.. then they started to kiss.. I were still both friend, and I didn´t mind it at all.. of course I felt like I was there the 3rd that souldn´t be, but I still were, because I felt that my friend needed me, and I knew I could help, and as I considered her my friend, I wanted to help, because I can do everything to my friends... But... The stuff didn´t stop there.. They both stopped talking with me with time. Didn´t invite me out, went out at school without asking me to come with them, changed the place were they are sitting... At first I thought that they simply forgot, but today I understood it´s not true! I simply was traded.. She traded me to that boy... Even today, I was talking to her like nothing happened, and she mentioned that I were annoying (people already told me this very often, so what she said was simply the last piece), oh, and the boy said "Yeah! I knew you would said it" and they laughed without understanding that they had just opened a sore, witch I tried to cure for some fucking long years!!! In a few seconds they destroyed something I was doing years, years I tried to make me believe I changed, years I believed that I´m now better, that now people will like me, that now I could think about having a family with friends... In a matter of seconds, they destroyed everything.
And you know what? They didn´t even notice! I spend all my afternoon trying not to cry, the whole afternoon trying to don´t make noise.. all I heard from them was if I had a scissor. The people I considered friends wouldn´t even notice if instead of me would come a dog in my clothes to the classroom. When I went to the bathroom, even two girls I barely knew asked me if everything was ok... They almost didn´t know me, but they still understood that something was wrong with me. It was so hard to make a fake smile and say of course I´m fine!
I didn´t say a word to them, didn´t look they´re way, and when I came home, camila remembered me of a wrong I had to make with the group.. I asked something, and after receiving the answer, said that I hope I didn´t annoyed her with the question and logged off.. I just hope I wont need to speak with her anymore because I hate when people hurt me, especially when that people I used to trust.. just hope nobody will stop from being a lonely girl.. I really like it, and when I were that girl, nobody could reach me... I was simply in another dimention, far away from everyone, and I want to be back there.
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